Speed Dating, OCI Style

I've been on several blind dates over the past 10 years.

There were a few where I'd wished I was blind . . .

I'm sure there were at least one or two where she'd wished she was blind . . .

But the one thing you could bet on with every blind date is there was absolutely no recipe on what makes a good blind date and what makes one bad.

Such is the OCI interview.

I have had several mock interviews in the past few months, but none have prepared me for the myriad of personalities and all the meaningless small talk I have made in a 5x5 room over the past week.

And each one was really no more than a blind date.

I come away and I get these same questions:

Questioner: How'd it go?

Misery: I don't know. We talked alot. And laughed. Told stories. She has a beautiful smile and a nice, firm . . .

Questioner: That's good, right?

Misery: I guess. I don't know.

Questioner: What do you mean you "don't know?"

Misery: I mean, I guess I'll have to wait and see if she calls . . .

And I do wait. But just like a blind date, you might be feeling the chemistry. I mean, you get this rush-- this, this-- "oh yeah, I'm digging this firm" type feeling. And you know you feel it. But you ask, you wonder, is she?

And so you watch for the signs.

You make a joke. She laughs. That is a good sign. Right?

She asks a question and the conversation turns to your college days. Nice. But be selective, don't tell too much . . . we're hoping for a long term thing here. Keep her wanting more, y'know? And don't bore her too early. You'll have a lifetime to do that.

You finish the story and there is a momentary pause as she takes a sip of water . . .

To avoid awkwardness, you launch in with a question of your own-- about her life, her work . . . "What is it like being an attorney with so-and-so firm?"

And off you go on more stories. Every one told by every girl nearly identical. But you act interested, you pretend its the first time you've heard about the "wonderful community" and the "great schools . . ."

Wait! Did she just start talking about the "great schools?" That must mean something, right? I mean, we're talking about kids . . . We're talking about starting a family already.

That's cool. I'm down. I'm looking for a long-term committment.

Wait . . . What? The date is over?! But I have so much more I still want to ask, so much more to talk about.

How can you possibly know enough about me at this point to know if you want to see me again?!?

And she leans in across the table. She smiles. I extend my hand and she quickly takes it.

And I wonder:

I felt it. Did she? Is this the signal. Should I lean in? Should I tell her how I feel? Should I do something? What should I do??

But I chicken out. I shake her hand, I give her my winning smile, and I tell her goodnight as she walks me to the door.

And then I wait for the phone call.

It has been a week since the first five. At least one has had the courtesy to at least let me know she isn't interested.

The rest? No phone call.

Is she just playing hard to get? Should I call her? Maybe I should send her flowers? A card? Maybe the first "thank you" didn't get to her. Maybe I should send another.

And a few more days and I panic--

Misery's Mom: What's wrong?

Misery: Why hasn't she called yet? I just really thought we hit it off.

Misery's Mom: Just give it some more time.

Misery: But I can't wait. Others are getting phone calls. Why aren't I? What is it? Why isn't she calling me back? Was it my conversation? Was I not funny enough? Were my stories stale?? Maybe I need new stories . . . Yes, probably that's it. New stories. No, no . . . I had something in my teeth, didn't I? I bet I did . . . No, I know I did! Oh my God, I've missed out on the firm of my life because I had something in my teeth!

Misery's Mom: It's alright, calm down. You are a wonderful boy and any firm would be lucky to have you!

Misery: Thanks, mom. But, but . . . I'm just so tired of being poor.

Misery's Mom: I know, hun, I know . . .

And I hang up, and I know, I hope . . . it will be alright.