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Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Happy Turkey Day

Dear Pseudo-Studious 1L Law Student:

Today is a prime opportunity for you. You have already proven to everyone you are serious enough in your studies to actually stay in town and attend class on the last day before your Thanksgiving break. But you aren't done yet. You want to psyche the rest of your classmates out? Today you have the opportunity to place that last nail in their coffin.

This afternoon, as everyone is slowly streaming out of the building, you must be quite conspicuous in your exit. You must make sure everyone sees and is well aware of your devotion to the study of Law. You must demonstrate to them that you are a force to be reckoned with come test-time.

You must empty out your carrel/locker/etc . . . of all its contents--every last book, notebook, supplement, outline, study aid and note--and carry them home.

For added effect, pull your car up to the building. Make two or three trips out of retrieving and loading your Frankenstein-like body of knowledge collected in the pursuit of your first semester legal education. Make sure everyone sees you. Drop a couple of books, ask for help, plead with people to open the door for you. Your feigned embarrasment will be reflected by the fear in your classmate's eyes.

Of course, the vast majority of 2Ls and 3Ls--we will laugh at you. But do we matter? Will we be sitting beside you come December, sweating profusely over a Torts exam full of impossible to follow, Palsgraf-like fact situations? No! Of course not.

But those who will, nary a one that saw you toting your collection of knowledge will rest easy this Thanksgiving . . . As they feast off their mother's turkey, watch football, play card games with the family, and wade through the shoppers of Black Friday, one thought will pull tirelessly at their minds:

"Shouldn't I be studying now? There are only 4 'A's. Already so-and-so is going to get one."

The whole time you will be lounging with your glass of white wine and laughing around the Thanksgiving-day meal. You are in Law School. You now get to sit at the "big table." You have arrived.

And if you want to study-- you can. The books are there. So while they are playing trivial pursuit, you could sit in the corner with your head burried in the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure.

What is that? Did they just ask a question about Cordoza's opinion in Wood v. Lady Duff-Gordon? It couldn't have been, right? Go back to studying!

Because, after all, there were others who carried all of their books home, too . . . right? What if they actually intend to study? What if they are--this very second--buried face first in the Gilbert's Outline for Contracts?

There are only 4 "A"s, you know?

So, Mr./Ms. Studious 1L Law Student, you keep pedaling away to your heart's content in this long Tour de France through the intracacies of the Law.

I will be asleep, more than likely. Watch a parade, if I get up early enough. Toss a football around, if I feel like getting out of my pajamas.

And I'll start studying about the 1st of December. Don't you look forward to being a 2L?


Moonlighting in Misery
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