Bullets, Badges, Balls . . . Sans Brains

How can you tell if a police officer is lying to you?

The room is ice cold and he's sweating like a 12-year-old boy at a NAMBLA convention.

. . . its just too much fun sometimes!


Ah well, I'm going to order another steak from room service and relax. I fly to Washington in the morning.

Misery's Lesson of the Day

Don't write a letter calling the opposing party's responses to discovery "sloppy" . . .

When you didn't even number the questions right yourself.


I don't think that requires any more explanation.

Sit Back & Enjoy

I am currently waiting for the rib-eye and caesar salad I ordered to be delivered to my hotel room via the short, and patient, hispanic man working room service this evening.

I love room service. Probably too much.

I am in Metropolis tonight. Over the next two days I have several depositions and two interviews with former attorneys in the Metropolis D.A.'s office in contemplation for future depositions.

We are suing Metropolis.

What do I love about this town? I love that it is a conservative city, yet every person I speak with about our civil rights lawsuits has the same reaction--

"They deserve to get paid. Alot."

Metropolis, Metropolis
That toddling town
Metropolis, Metropolis
I will show you around -- I love it!

Ah well, back to room service.

I have made many visits to this city in the past year and stayed overnight several times. Each time I spent my precious time shopping around to find cheap hotels.

But then it occurred to me--while I don't want the reputation that I spend too much money--or that I enjoy going on these trips (which I truly don't, I miss my family) . . .

I'm a lawyer. I am making people money. I shouldn't have to sleep with the roaches in some bargain basement Motel 6 so I won't look like I'm just trying to spend other people's money, as well.

I like this hotel much better. And yet it really isn't that expensive. Although I do have to tip.

Just wait . . . Wednesday I fly to D.C. and I'm staying at the Holiday Inn on the Hill. That place charges $380 per night.

The hotels in D.C. are just like the politicians we send there, if you ask me.

Making Love to His Tonic & Gin

Its six o'clock on a Thursday
As the regular crowd shuffles in
Theres an old man sitting next to me
Makin love to his tonic and gin

He says, son, can you play me a memory?
Im not really sure how it goes
But its sad and its sweet and I knew it complete
When I wore a younger mans clothes

Sing us a song, youre the Lawyer, man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, were all in the mood to get rich, my friend
We're geared up and ready to fight

Now the Judge at the bar is a friend of mine
He's referred several clients to me
And hes quick to sustain when I'm playing the game
But theres someplace that hed rather be
He says, bill, I believe this is killing me.
And I've more important cases to try
I bet I could convict that ex-football star
He lifts his glass and he brags with a sigh

Now paul is a real estate counselor
Who never gave time to his wife
And he talks with John Moyer the big divorce lawyer
About starting his unmarried life

Well the secretaries are all playing politics
As the attorneys we slowly get stoned
Yes, we're sharing a drink they call loneliness
But its better than drinkin alone

So sing us a song, youre the Lawyer, man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, were all in the mood to get rich, my friend
We're geared up and ready to fight

Its been a pretty good year despite tort reform
And the partner he gives me the nod
cause he knows that its me theyve been comin to see
The almighty (and good) P.I. god

And the piano, it sounds like a carnival
And my breath smells strongly of beer
And I sit in my chair feeling utter despair
And say, man, what am I doin here?

Sing us a song, youre the Lawyer, man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, were all in the mood to get rich, my friend
We're geared up and ready to fight

(Can anyone tell me what song this is?)

Triumphal Return?

No. Don't pull out the trumpets just yet.

It is 5:30 A.M. here in Texas, and I have been here at work for an hour and a half.

But I was told--never underestimate the value of hard work in the practice of law.

One thing I have discovered is this . . .

A giant Ego is what I want to see when I sit across the table from my opponent. An Ego doesn't look for answers, he's got them already. An Ego doesn't to do silly things like "work" because he's got mad lawyer skillz, aw yeah.

An Ego makes mistakes.

I used to complain about the fact that, well, there is no such thing as Karma . . .

That the same people in high school who annoyed you but you took comfort in the fact you wouldn't see them again on your way up,

Well, they annoyed you in Law School too.

But, y'know, maybe I was wrong . . .

Maybe it isn't that those people will end up flat on their face. Maybe its just that you will still cross the finish line first, and that is what counts.

If I am going to start blawging again, I should probably erase my name from my last post so I can remain anonymous.

. . . Plausible Deniability, anyone?