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Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Two Friends: Pinky and The Brain

Congratulations to Genius Friend for his finishing his first semester at University of Houston law school.

And when I say "genius" in reference to him, I don't mean it in the same way I used it referring to myself and the MENSA requirements a couple weeks ago.

I mean, he's a real genius.

I've mentioned him before. He was a National Merit Scholar (i was only a "commended scholar" so la-di-freakin-da!) and was the captain of a winning academic decathalon team in high school. I assume he did well as an undergrad . . . then goes on to Baylor Medical where he gets his Ph.D. in, like, genetic engineering or something like that.

I think he helped cure some rare fatal disease or something like that . . . I don't know for sure.

Then in the midst of preparing his doctoral thesis he applies to law school . . .

Why after the Ph.D. does he want to go to law school?

Because now he gets to do what he really likes. WTF?!

So I was thinking last night. If I hadn't kept up with him since high school, and just ran into him all of a sudden when home for Christmas . . . this is what the conversation would sound like:

Misery: Hey, [Genius Friend], how's it going?!

The Brain: Oh, good good. Wow, its been-what?- nearly 10 years now, huh?

Misery: Yeah! Wow! Funny running into you here in Hastings in little ole Lawton, Oklahoma! What are you up to?

The Brain: Oh, there is a new book out by this genius in molecular physics that I am having them order for me . . . of course they wouldn't have something like that here. He basically posits the theory that [blah blah blah blah . . .] What about you?

Misery: Uh. Uhm. My mom told me they had the "Brian" talking dashboard doll from Family Guy. And I already have the Stewie so I thought he could use some company . . .

The Brain: Excellent. Well, I hope you find it.

Misery: Thanks. So what have you been up to the last 10 years?

The Brain: Nothing much really. I finished college and was accepted to Baylor Medical. I moved to Houston. I worked on research to cure [rare fatal disease] and wrote a doctoral thesis examining the results of the research, which there is talk will be nominated for a Nobel. Then I got bored with that and decided to go to Law School and, well-- you know-- do what i really like. You might remember back in high school my plan to become President . . . well, this is a stepping stone. Oh, and I'm dating this very pretty blonde genius I met at Baylor, who I will marry and we can have genius kids like us. How about you? I'm sure you are a best-selling novelist by now, right? Still fighting the good fight? Travel the nation like Jack Kerouac and have your own Ph.d. by now . . . ?

Misery: Hmm. Not really. I, uh, actually . . . well, I spent the first couple-three years workin', drinkin', and screwin'. Then I had some religious vision and I became a preacher for a couple years. Then I became broke and destitute. Now I'm in law school so that, i guess, I can go back to the "workin', drinkin', and screwin'" thing . . . only, y'know, without the moral debauchery involved.

The Brain: Oh, wow . . . uh, a preacher, you say? Hmm, wow . . . Never would've guessed. Well . . . uh . . . I'm a Republican now.

Misery: Really?! Me too!!

The Brain: Really? Mr. ACLU a Republican?

Misery: Yeah. Kinda came with the whole "religious vision" thing.

The Brain: Peyote?

Misery: No thank you. Like i said, I'm a Republican now . . .

The Brain: No, i meant . . .

Misery: I know what you meant. Ha ha.

The Brain: Okay . . . well, then. It was nice seeing you again. Uh, keep in touch. Bye-bye now.

I'd better get back to work on my student comment. I really have a lot of catching up to do.

P.S. The conversation is not an accurate portrayal of Genius Friend and the comments and viewpoints expressed above are not those of or the author of this blog. Liberties have been taken with the characters in order to, I hope, delay the boredom which pushed you so far as to tune in to this blog. Genius Friend is not a pompous ass as portrayed above and neither is it true that Republicans don't do things like taking peyote trips. Case in point, the guy who was running for Senate in Illinois but had to drop out when it was revealed he was into swinging and, of course, our President. I, on the other hand, am accurately portrayed. Have a good day!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Other than the Republican thing, I'm right along with you. I'm thinking of attending Texas Tech Law. I, too, had the whole great american novel thing planned out. I actually saw recently ran into a high school friend of mine who is working in pharmaceuticals...I asked him how things were going. He said he was working on cancer cures....seriously. Right.

1/13/2006 7:10 AM  

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