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Thursday, September 28, 2006

just call me a Dumb Ignorant Conservative

So yesterday I'm standing in a small dimly-lit room with a smile on my face and my wife's hand in mine, staring at an ultrasound monitor,

When this conversation begins . . .

[Dr. Dip****] (that's what I'll call him because--while he's only an ultrasound tech and certainly not an M.D.--he definitely has a Ph.d. in BULL, anyways, lets begin again)

[Dr. Dip****]: [Misery] is your last name? You aren't related to [BIG liberal also named Misery who's made a lot of money by twisting the truth, omitting facts, and corrupting context], are you? That would be cool!

[Mr. Misery]: (laughing uncomfortably) Ha ha, no, not in Lubbock it wouldn't.

[Dr. Dip****]: Yeah. That's the problem. We all just want to censor the truth and keep everyone ignorant. Its just like with Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks, she is such a brave person for standing up and speaking the truth . . .

And as he goes on Mrs. Misery and I just continue to smile and nod, thinking: "We just want to know about our baby. Please stop."

But he continues on until I interrupt him by asking if this little pulsing spot on the screen was my baby's heart . . . THEN made the mistake of mentioning that I'd rented a doppler heart monitor (identical to the one the doctor uses) to check Baby Misery's heart rate at home.


[Dr. Dip****]: Bad mistake. Bad. You don't realize the kind of energy those things put into your wife's womb. If you only knew about the dangers of radiation--even on one flight from here to Dallas. The dosage of radiation you get would scare you to death. Its just a matter of time. But I'm telling you those devices are dangerous. I know the FDA approves of their use, and I've written the FDA telling them they are killing people. They just wrote back, and you know what they told me? Do you know?! They just said, "Oh, we can't tell people that because it would scare them." That's what its all about--hiding the truth. Keeping people ignorant.

Wow. I'm seeing some ignorance in this room. And its not coming from me or my wife.

But he goes on and on and on . . . for nearly 90 minutes with nonstop political nonsense. I especially wanted to scream when he started quoting Noam Chomsky.


And we just grinned, and prayed silently for him to shut up and to spend half as much time talking to us about our baby as he did our politics.

Then, after finally having been told its a girl and being given a brief moment to enjoy the news, he launches in again with a monologue on Hugo Chavez. (The president of Venenzuala).

[Dr. Dip****]: He is such a great man. Courageous. Quite a hero for what he's doing. And standing up for the truth! People just need to shut up with their criticism of him for coming to New York and calling Bush the devil. What ever happened to freedom of speech?

(Good Question from the guy who is ranting about how others should not be criticizing).

So I chime in, in an effort to at least be friendly . . .

[Mr. Misery]: Yeah. Did you see where 7-11 has pulled their contract with Citgo (which is owned by Venezuela) in protest over his comments at the UN?

[Dr. Dip****]: Yes, and that's wrong! We've organized a "buy-cott" where we only buy gas from Citgo to reward and encourage Chavez for his brave comments.

I wasn't entirely sure who "we" happened to be, but I was beggining to lose my patience . . .

[Mr. Misery]: Oh, sure, reward him . . . Uh huh, and then he can take the money and pour it into buying Cuba and making friends with Iran and becoming enemies with the U.S. and while we're at it lets just go ahead and put the money directly into the terrorist's pockets.

(Better yet, I'll give you the materials and why don't you try making a bomb in your garage and go ahead and blow yourself up, save them the expense and trouble! They don't care that you sympathize with them!! Don't you get that?! You are AMERICAN too, the bullseye on your back is just as big as mine!!!!)

[Dr. Dip****]: Oh, wait. You can just quit that talk! Don't try feeding me that bull, 'cause I'm not buying it! Chavez is a good man who's giving back to the people, none of that money is going for anything else but to the people . . .

So my wife squeezes my hand and I can see the look of absolute defeat in her eyes, so I grow quiet again while he continues to drone on . . .

But then he really, really stabbed me. And twisted.

[Dr. Dip****]: . . . and then we go and tell these other countries that if they don't give up their terrorists, well "we'll just go in and get them ourselves" (making a mocking gesture of bravado). And how do you think we'd respond if someone said that to us?! I tell you what! Its not fair, and we're hypocrites. They have the right to keep their citizens safe from us, even if they are terrorists . . . and its just not fair that we would expect them to just hand over their terrorists so we can try them under our form of "justice."

At this I let go of my wife's hand and started to leave the room, but stopped and suddenly turned toward the Village Idiot.

Let me tell you, nothing frightens me more than the world into which I am bringing my daughter.

It is a world where 1/3 of the world's population has been commandeered by 1% of their own most extremist Village Idiots and are now being used to push an agenda that calls for all-out war and blood.

It is a world where the president of Iran believes it is his responsibility to "bathe the world in blood" in order to create the ideal conditions for the return of the 12th Imam (sp?). The guy is such an extremist wack-job that it has been rumored even the Ayatollah Khomeini may be afraid of him . . . AND he may have a nuclear bomb.

It is a world where votes mean more than lives. We have a President who put us into a war he is now too politically chicken**** to fully fight. We have a Democratic party who has played politics with this war from the beginning, doing their best to turn votes against the President for being to adament about prosecuting the War on Terror and then criticizing him and claiming they will be more adament in prosecuting the War when he turns tail and gets quiet. And we have a Republican party with the BALLS to fight the War but who are too damned busy accepting bribes to pay attention to what is going on.

It is a world that I like to paint with broad strokes and some occasional over-statements . . .

But, nonetheless . . .

Things are screwed up.

And this is the world I am giving to my daughter.

I must admit: I'm scared. Very scared. I'm scared of what her little eyes are going to see, because I couldn't do anything to make the world better.

So I let him have it . . .

[Mr. Misery]: Don't you dare tell me it isn't fair for us to protect ourselves! This is not the Crusades. This is not the Spanish Inquisition. It was wrong 1000 years ago, and it is wrong today. You just told me I am going to have a little baby girl. Now don't even think you are going to tell me I don't have the right to keep her safe . . . If you come into my house and threaten my family, I'll put your brains on the wall. So when they say every day that they want to kill me, kill my wife, kill my daughter, and destroy my civilization--I will do anything I possibly can to protect those things I hold dear. And don't think for one second I am going to stop and ask: "is this fair?"

(brief pause. complete silence)

[Mr. Misery]: You are a man of science and a liberal, you must ascribe to theories of Darwinism, right? Survival of the Fittest? Sound familiar? They have applied his theories and called it Social Darwinism? So Darwin said this, basically: Life isn't fair. You learn to cope, or you die. Now I'm telling you, life isn't fair. The survival of the fittest, right? The biggest muscles rule? Well, if you don't stop whining about what is "fair," then there is definitely no hope for you and you will end up taking our entire country down with you! If you really care, then stand up and fight . . . let's get rid of that wacked-out 1% that wants to kill us, and let the rest of them live in peace. Otherwise, I'm sick and tired of listening to you and I'm sure this is not what we paid for.


Blogger Anonymous Law Student said...

You dumb ignorant conservative! Sounds like you have yourself a nutty doctor. Here's my opinion: A professional should do his job. His job is to make you guys feel good and tell you everything is alright with your daughter (congrads). Regardless of whether he's conservative, liberal, libertarian, green, he shouldn't be exposing his political values. Half of the country tends to swing right, half swings left. That means if he goes off about politics to all his patients, he has offended half. The doctors office just doesn't seem like the time or the place for that kind of talk.

9/28/2006 5:02 PM  
Blogger The Namby Pamby said...

I'm glad you let the dipstick have it.

9/29/2006 4:47 PM  
Blogger Lawmommy said...


10/06/2006 6:29 AM  

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