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Thursday, February 23, 2006

I must have been absent that day . . .

The President, in defending his administration's approval of the new deal that would allow an Arab state-controlled company to run take over partial management of our nation's largest ports, accused his bipartisan critics . . .

of Racial Profiling.

Excuse me?!

Here is the memo I -- and all of Congress -- must have missed:

To: Evil Conservatives of America

From: Tom Ridge, Secretary of Homeland Security

Subject: End of Racial Profiling

Date: September 22, 2003

Fellow Conservatives,

In an attempt to soften the U.S. image internationally, to placate the United Nations Human Rights Commission now chaired by Libya, and to seek U.S. reinstatement to the commission after an embarrasing vote that removed us from that hallowed body a year ago, the President has decided that from this day forward we will no longer be utilizing the procedure now known as "racial profiling" in order to conduct investigations into terrorist activities in an attempt to protect the nation from external or internal threats.

Please take note and disregard any previous instructions from the Department of Homeland Security received prior to the date noted above encouraging you to pay close attention to and report to the proper authorities any young men or women of Middle Eastern descent carrying on continued communications with nations that openly support terrorist groups and/or who are acting in a suspicious manner.

Instead, we will be instituting a new method of protection tentatively titled "Selective Investigation." According to this plan, the government will randomly select men or women we have reason to believe, based upon prior experience, pose a threat to the security of the nation and its citizens. We will randomly select telephone conversations to secretly listen to and record when those conversations occur between these randomly selected individuals and and other randomly selected individuals or when those randomly selected telephone calls are made to other nations that have also been randomly selected and may or may not openly support terrorist groups. We will then randomly select certain individuals to detain for unspecified randomly selected amounts of time in order to ensure they will not pose a future threat to the safety of the nation and its citizens.

To be sure, the Administration would still like to encourage you to report individuals you have randomly selected feeling they may pose a threat to our security based on their use of expired student visas, enrollment in flight training instruction schools, and/or obsession with bridges, dams, nuclear facilities, oil refineries, and large metropolitan areas. The security of the homeland is, indeed, a team effort. But let's make it a race-neutral one, too.

The President truly believes that together we can all make this not only a secure nation but a nation known for its absolute reverence for Human Rights. And we will one day again sit beside the respected nations of the Human Rights Commission, such as Libya, Sudan, and Zimbabwe, as shining examples of decency, safety, and hope for the future.


Tom Ridge


Now how could we have missed that one???


Blogger Nye! said...

it's pretty misleading to say that this arab state-controlled company is "run[ning] our nation's largest ports." check out this post for more information.

2/23/2006 10:28 AM  
Blogger Moonlighting in Misery said...

I would not go so far as to say "it's pretty misleading".

I did not intend this post to be a comment on the approval of the deal, simply the President's reaction to criticism.

And all I said was they would "run." The post you've linked to quotes an article primarily regarding the fact the company will not run security. True. But they will still act as management.

I would also point out even Drudge is linking to stories that say the concessions made by the government to the Arab company are not normal in this kind of deal -- like not requiring records be kept on U.S. soil for easier investigation and court access.

Still, thank you for the comment. I appreciate anything like that which gives me pause.

2/23/2006 11:23 AM  

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