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Thursday, September 30, 2004

A midnight visit from the Ghosts of Posts Past

Perhaps I spoke too soon when I wrote that I can't even talk of my dreams anymore [refer to "Law School makes you boring."] :

Last night I dreamt that my wife and I were planning to get married again, sort-of renew our vows. So before the wedding we go to pick up the marriage certificate. (I am not entirely sure why we needed another certificate... but for the purposes of this dream, we'll assume it was a necessity. It could happen. Texas has crazier laws than that.) While there we meet another nice couple getting married for the first time.

As we stood in line this jackass walks by and begins quite blatantly oogling my wife. He also happened to be someone with whom I go to school. Well, the staring turns into conversation and then he makes a pass at her... right in front of me! That gave me the impetus to grab him by the neck and back and throw him to the ground. From there, perhaps, I got a little carried away with the kicking. He jumped up, said he was suing, and ran away.

Okay, so far so good. Another dream about lawsuits, right? Not quite.

The County Clerk also ran a restaurant, at which I became quite inebriated with cheap champagne. My wife, still upset from watching me beat the hell out of the jerk, leaves the restaurant at some point and ends up in our limousine. This limousine driver wasn't quite as cool as the one we had on our first wedding day.

In the course of conversation with the driver, my wife is taken to see some drunken rastafarian who convinces my wife that we should no longer be married since we have fights. [Now enters "Sometimes Dr. Phil isn't a total tool..."]

I stumble to the limousine, slide in, but am quickly sobered when my wife tells me of her decision not to get married... again. From there-- don't ask me how-- we end up at the mall. She is in her wedding dress, I look like a hobo still carrying my empty bottle of cheap champagne and I'm chasing her through the mall where I break into an empassioned speech on the virtues of "what marriage is".

It went something like this:

Marriage isn't about "trying to make it." It is about looking back at the end of your life and realizing you had it made. Marriage isn't about trying to avoid the fights. It is about getting through them quicker so that you can move on to the "I'm sorry"s.

And on and on I gave my plea as I followed her through the mall. During the course of this speech I had actually attracted a crowd and they were following, listening, crying... there was some real magic happening. Rastafarian dude, eat your heart out!

So we finally ended up in that big open area in the middle of every mall. Y'know the one I'm talking about, some have carousels, others fountains, some just chairs... but all malls have them. Well, this mall had portable risers set up like they have for traveling singing groups. It must have been Christmas because they were set up right in front of a giant white Christmas tree.

[Here comes the best part as I am visited by "The '80s are back and they're better than ever!"]

Standing on the risers are the casts of Who's the Boss, Charles in Charge and that show-- the name escapes me-- with the Seaver family, y'know... with Kirk Cameron? And, as if to punctuate my speech, they are all singing the theme song from that last show.

As long as we've got each other, we've got the world sitting right in our hands. Baby, rain or shine, all the time... la la la la la laaa... something something something laughter and looooove.

Very spooky.

But it worked.

My wife turns to me, jumps into my arms and the crowd applauds. Then all of the various stars of VH1's Where are they now? part as I carry my wife to the top level of the riser and we stand just below the star on the Christmas tree. A minister appears, we exchange vows and the chorus again breaks out in song.

I want.... I want... Charles in charge of meeeeeeee.

Y'know who I missed seeing there, though? The cast of Cheers. Norm would have been great fun at the reception afterward. And I know that theme song by heart.

I do have to wonder what Freud would say about my dream.


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