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Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Government is Pro-Pirate, Anti-Ninja Actions Show

In this MiM update regarding the great Pirate vs. Ninja debate, we discover the real truth regarding the U.S. Government's supposed neutral stance on which of the two --Ninjas or Pirates -- is totally the sweetest:

Dateline Lubbock -- Last Tuesday, federal officers with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, & Firearms -- in a daring and certainly suicidal attempt to rid the University of Georgia campus of its Ninja faithful -- tackled and forcibly detained one black-robed greenfoot as he was slinking his way across campus in broad daylight.

The ATF special agent in charge Vanessa McLemore, defending against any allegation of discrimination, replied to questioning by pointing out, "Seeing someone with something across the face, from a federal standpoint -- that's not right!"

Despite the government's protestations, Ninjas across the University of Georgia campus quickly realized that a plan for systematic persecution had been implemented as signs sprang up around Macon, Georgia, announcing curfews applicable only to those of the clandestine-clad persuasion.

Signs announcing the new curfew were noticed immediately following the incident.

The Ninja response was quick in coming. They had released a video to the media by Thursday afternoon showing several members of a group calling itself Focusing Youth On Unity and More Acceptance for Ninjas (FYOUMAN). In the video, FYOUMAN made a plea for greater tolerance from the government in exchange for not totally freaking out and killing everyone in the city of 100,000.

The group made a plea for more tolerance from the government and Macon community.

Messages of support were directed at the Ninjas from various groups throughout the Macon community -- including one group, responding to McLemore's comment regarding facial coverings, that called for more solidarity amongst all the the mask- and hood-wearing groups across the nation.

"This is not the South of the 1950's," a spokesman for the group said. "Jim Crow is dead, and we ought to demand fair treatment for Ninjas. What happens to those masked in black could just as easily happen to those masked in white. By fighting for their rights now, we are ensuring we will have our rights tomorrow."

Spokesman for one group publicly supporting the Ninjas.

When asked for a comment, a spokesman for the Fraternal Order of Pirates muttered something about "Davey Jones Locker" and then returned to the conversation he'd been having with his bottle of rum.

Since Tuesday, the government has shown little resolve to continue with what at least one observer is calling a "pilot program for the intimidation and extermination of Ninjas across the country." This has not, however, put the Ninja community at ease. While things are quiet now, the atmosphere remains noticeably tense.

"Until the equal rights of all Ninjas have been recognized by either a democratically-elected body -- or a slight majority of 5 Supreme Court Justices -- we are all in peril," commented Macon resident Chris the Pirate Ninja. "And that is so not cool."


Blogger None said...

Hahahahah, I'm glad I wasn't in class when I read that.

4/19/2006 6:54 AM  

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