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Thursday, April 27, 2006

To Kill a Mockingbird

"I remember when my daddy gave me that gun. He told me that I should never point it at anything in the house; and that he'd rather I'd shoot at tin cans in the backyard. But he said that sooner or later he supposed the temptation to go after birds would be too much, and that I could shoot all the blue jays I wanted - if I could hit 'em; but to remember it was a sin to kill a mockingbird." (Atticus Finch, from To Kill a Mockingbird)

In the state of Texas, not only is it a sin, it is also against the law.

But I wonder what Atticus would have said had he attended TTU School of Law and had to worry for his life every time he walked through those glass doors to face the fear of a quick beak, a loud scream, and those "blood-soaked talons."

Probably not:

"I reckon because mockingbirds don't do anything but make music for us to enjoy. They don't eat people's gardens, don't nest in the corncrib, they don't do one thing but just sing their hearts out for us."

Here at Tech Law we are in the midst of a great brooding uprising, urged on by one noble soul bereft of fear and courageous enough to stand up and declare:

No more will I fear the mockingbird!

It all began last week with this e-mail . . .

Fellow Students:

Last night, as I was leaving the law school, I notice a bird approaching me at an alarming rate of speed. I assumed he would divert his course, but I was wrong. Dead Wrong. The bird furiously attacked me by dive bombing my backpack and head. I took off my cap and swung at it, but this bird is, to say the least, fearless. Needless to say, I looked like a mad man, running around swatting at a bird with my hat. When I made 50 or so yards away from the tree located on the left side of the circle, the attack subsided. Finally, I was safe.
Having completely forgotten this malicious attack (likely from repression of the frightening events), I walked by the same tree this morning. Suddenly I felt something hit my arm, and as I turned, I saw an angry bird, fiery hate burning in its eyes. Again, I sped my pace and narrowly escaped a gruesome fate.

I tell this story not in jest, but to protect each and everyone of you. I propose a call to arms where we each go to Wal-Mart to purchase a Red Rider BB gun and rid the world of this hateful and dangerous creature.

Mr. Courageous

And what has ensued has been a harrowing nightmare for us all . . .

Attack after attack, we all live in fear. Those beady eyes. That sharp black beak. That blood-curdling screech as you know, you feel . . .

Your time is at hand.

But, alas, our fearless administration has stepped in to save the day!! The sages have determined the problem can be solved by a barricade, a police line, a cordoned-off crime scene. They have attempted to make peace, to strike a repose, by promising the evil demon creature that we will not pass into his territory if he will not pass into ours.

The sign says it all, no?

But the Malcontent Mockingbird refuses to recognize our offering of peace, and has not been satisfied by the barricade--choosing to chase our innocent brood regardless of where we travel.

And even the local media has picked up on the story. "Murderous mockingbird terrifies helpless law students! Story at noon!"

As far away as Austin, our plight has become known. No one is safe.

As I write this, I have locked myself into my room. Professor, I won't be coming to school today. I probably won't be taking my final either. Can you just forward it to the e-mail address above?

I feel it will be safer that way.

Until someone is brave enough to have a little "come to Jesus" session with our Mockingbird . . .


Blogger Anonymous Law Student said...

Now you have law students in the North West cracking up about this. Awesome post.

4/28/2006 11:41 AM  

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