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Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Cabbage Patch Kids were once cool... I swear.

I was, I think, maybe 5 or 6 when I got my Cabbage Patch Kid. It was a Christmas gift from my grandparents. They gave them to all of the grandkids because it was something they could give to everyone... both boys and girls.

I think it is very cool that they're selling again. I am also diggin the new Care Bear craze. 'Course, if I had a boy now, I wouldn't give him a doll. Well, that is unless you count the Barbie-sized G.I.Joe's.

I remember those, too, from my childhood. What was so cool about the G.I.Joe dolls is that they could so kick Ken's butt when the cute blonde girl next door asked if you would play with her. She would be zooming her Barbie car around in circles in the living room while Sgt. Slaughter was beating the crap out of Barbie's boy-toy.

I'm glad that G.I.Joe reinvented himself (not like Britney or Madonna reinvention, either). The whole line of toys had gotten so ridiculous. "Hmmm, let's see how friggin big we can make his muscles. Because... oh yeah, he's gotta have muscles that big to... uh... carry this great big friggin gun!"

What has brought up this topic of my childhood again? Movies.

On Kidd Kraddick this morning they reported that Hollywood is now working on a live-action version of the Transformers (oh yeah! "More than meets the eye!") And He-Man. (I was a Skeletor fan). Better yet, they are making a... get this... SPACEBALLS 2!!!!!!!! Don't forget, also, Dukes of Hazard to hit movie screens next year.

I couldn't possibly be happier. It is like a renaissance. I still remember when my uncle brought home the Transformers cartoon movie. "It took them 5 years to make this movie," he proudly declared. And then he, my brother and I sat there-- eyes gaping, jaws dropped, drooling-- for 90 minutes of awesomeness.

I may overdose on my childhood when these movies make it to the big screen. In my fantasy I can picture driving my wife and myself to see a "Spaceballs 2"/"He-Man" double feature at the drive-in. But before the movies are over, I have crawled into the back seat... tried oh so unsuccessfully to shove my bulk into some of those footie pajamas... I am curled up with my security blanket, clutching a rubber-banded stack of Garbage Pail Kids cards, a G.I.Joe doll, and-- after much debate-- I have decided to try eating Pop Rocks AND drinking a soda at the same time. And as I concentrate on the pain that is my mouth (my head does not explode, though), I just rock back and forth, back and forth... whispering...

"By the power of Grayskull... I AM HE-MAN!"


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