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Wednesday, October 06, 2004

A Letter to the High School Band Next Door.

To Whom it May Concern:

Please, oh please, high school band people... have mercy on a 1L law student.

I live next to your fine high school-- right next door, as a matter of fact. And I'm not sure why you chose to move your marching band practice from the other side of the school to right outside my bedroom window... but for some reason, last night you did.

Yes. After a long hard day of studying, I thought I might lay down for an hour nap before watching the Vice-Presidential debate. You, however, had other plans.

Why do you wait until 6 o'clock in the evening to start practicing anyways? Back when I was in school, they practiced in the morning-- or, and here's a novel idea, right after school. Don't any of you have jobs? Family? Any other obligations beside the high school marching band?


At first, I must say, I laid there in bed and thought: "This band is pretty good." But then I realized that all you know how to play is about 20 seconds of the same song. Well, I assumed that is all you know how to play...


The same few bars of music... over... and over... and over. You played it with more brass. With no brass. With a good solid drum intro... with just drums. You played it fast. You played it slow. YOU PLAYED IT RIGHT OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM WINDOW!!

Now, at this point, I must give you a piece of advice: In order to impress the crowd Friday night, you must be able to get through an entire piece of music. It does help. It also helps if the music is recognizable. I spent the first 45 minutes playing "Name That Tune" to no avail.

I think I may go to the game Friday night. I can't wait until halftime. O, the sweet satisfaction I will have. See, as I figure it, one of two things may happen:

1. You get on the field and just march back and forth playing the same 20 seconds of that music over and over and over again. (Because that is what it looked like last night.) OR

2. You start off and look GREAT for the first 20 seconds... then, when you all realize that you never learned what to do next, all hell breaks loose. The brass section tramples over the wind instruments. The flag girls break formation and start goosing each other with the flags (I just hope no one loses an eye.) And the rythym section people, who are always known for their individuality and lust for attention, decide to each one break into a separate 10 minute drum solo. The chaos will be so sweet.

I am not a vengeful person. Really, I'm not. I just think you all should spend more time with your families. Tonight is Wednesday... go to church. Perhaps you can get a job. Do something.

Just please have mercy on the poor 1L law student next door.


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